I’ve been really challenged and convicted the past few weeks to examine the differences between being fully present and always available. Are the two mutually exclusive or is it possible to balance the two? This is a tough call for me, because I am a strong believer both in being fully present to God and people and being always available to a friend, youth, family member, etc. who is in need. I credit some of my appreciation for being fully present to my time spent working at camp and touring with Spoke Folk. These were both situations where we were strongly encouraged to be fully present in everything that we were doing, whether porch-sitting on a Saturday with whoever was hanging around at camp, or staying up late into the night getting to know the intimate details of a friend’s life who you’ve just met. There is power in being fully present, and I strongly feel that the best relationships develop out of being fully present (that includes relationships with God as well as with other people!).
We live in a society today that practically makes it necessary to be always available. We carry cell phones with us at all times (and really, who turns off their cell phone anymore?), update friends with the little details of our lives using Facebook status messages and Twitter, and are connected to the internet nearly 24/7 with high-speed internet access available pretty much anywhere we go. So, where do we draw the line? I’ve always been one to tell my friends/youth/etc. that they can call anytime if they need something, whether that’s in the middle of the afternoon or the middle of the night. I try to make myself as available as possible for friends, family, etc. I make it ridiculously easy to get in touch with me (I’m a (newly) avid texter, keep my cell phone with me at all times, spend far too much time on Facebook, am nearly always connected to Instant Messenger, and even update Twitter fairly regularly).
I’ve recently been giving some kids in the youth group a hard time about texting during youth stuff – it’s not so much a problem during “official” meetings, but when we’re in the car driving to an event, or hanging out playing games, or having coffee… it seems like our culture has taught them that interrupting any conversation to answer a text message/phone call/etc. is the norm. It struck me the other day, though, that if I’m going to keep giving them such a hard time about it, then I should probably be able to articulate my reasoning for it. Especially since I’ve been guilty of doing the same thing with friends, and even during classes (shh! don’t tell!) lately.
I’m beginning to realize that it is absolutely appropriate to be “unavailable” sometimes – healthy, even. Where do we draw that line, though? Part of me wants to say that if I’m with a person (hanging out, having coffee, on a date, etc.) then I’m available to that person and that person only. But is there ever a time in which it’s appropriate to allow for interruption? Is it even possible in today’s society to be fully present without having our attention in some way distracted?
I think I’m going to continue wrestling with this. I’m not even sure that there’s a black and white solution (in fact, I’m sure there’s probably not). I think it’s an important discussion to have, though – with friends, with the youth I minister to/with, with family, etc.
What do you think?
Erin,
Here are some things I’ve learned on how to be “fully present” and “living in the moment”:
1. take a deep breath. Be aware of your breathing.
2. Utilize your 5 senses to see/hear/touch/smell/taste the world around you.
3. Enjoy the journey!
Our minds are usually in the past or worrying about the future. Very rarely do we fully appreciate or concentrate on what we are doing in the moment! Is that human nature or a condition of our society?
As a mom, I am rarely unavailable to my kids. If I am not with them, I am always just a phone call away. I think that just comes with the territory of motherhood. Most of my girlfriends are the same way.
Peace, Jo
Friend,
there comes a line that needs to be drawn in anything and any statement made. to say that you will always be available to them is a great comfort, but at the same time it can become a great burden upon yourself, both mentally and physically, but sometimes just someone to talk to at a random obscure time is what someone needs, for that i commend you. as for dealing with texting during the meetings and trips and such, perhaps if a new rule were instituted for the trips that says no phones that could help with it, that’s what we do with scouts, especially when camping, to keep people from playing on technology the whole time.
reasons to not always answer calls and respond to texts:
1. talking in person builds communication skills necessary for life.
2. you find things out about people or things that you had no idea of and new ideas are introduced to you when you get to discuss in small groups rather than just one on one which is what phone and text conversations are.
i wish you luck in figuring out your solution for this dilemma.
martin