Not sure what brought this on tonight. Just some thoughts that have been bouncing around my head. I apologize for the stream-of-consciousness feel.
When I lived alone in Fremont, I complained about it a lot. I complained that I was bored, and lonely, and all those other things we say when we move to a town where we don’t know anybody and live alone. And I honestly believe that at some points I actually was bored, lonely, etc.
But the truth is, there are days when I really miss the simplicity of my life in Fremont. Maybe what I’m really missing are the people from Grace, but sometimes it manifests itself in other ways. For examlple, there are days (or nights) when I’m driving home from PLC and wish that I was driving back to my own place. Don’t get me wrong: it’s been a real blessing being around my parents. But the truth is, I just miss having my own space – sure, I have my bedroom. But as small as that tiny upstairs apartment in Fremont was, it was my place.
It saddens me a little bit that for the entire year I spent in Fremont I was wishing it away. I’m coming to the realization that I’ll most likely never again have a place that is mine. Next year when I move out of my parents’ house, I will be married, and the place we live will become ours. Don’t get me wrong (again): I’m excited for that. I suppose I just wish I had taken advantage of the luxury I had in Fremont of having my own space.
In many ways, life in Fremont seemed simpler, too. It was definitely less busy. Sure, I worked full time – but without in-town friends (or classes to take), the majority of my time outside of working was spent alone. I had time to think, time to write, time to pray, and yet I feel like so much of that time time was wasted away watching hours of TV. I didn’t have internet in my apartment in Fremont, so when I went home I wasn’t tempted to spend hours surfing mindlessly around the internet or Facebooking.
So, whatever it is… it’s been on my mind lately. And now it’s at least “out there” instead of “up here”. Maybe I’ll complete these thoughts someday.
I think for me I have been experiencing the opposite. For 6 years, my nearly every waking moment was consumed by SOMETHING, whether it be classes, homework, extracurriculars, sleeping, etc. Now that I have moved to a place where I work full-time and know a few people, but not a ton, and haven’t yet gotten involved in anything, I feel like a part of me is missing.
I guess that’s how life is. We are constantly in a state of flux… Let’s meet in the middle somewhere and be balanced. :)
Miss you!
When you are young(er), you spend all your time wishing for the future, and when you are old(er), you spend all your time thinking about the past! One of life’s great mysteries. Today I am reflecting on the last 11 years especially as we celebrate Kendra’s 11th birthday — it seems like only yesterday we brought that beautiful baby home and tonight she will get her first-ever iPod!!! I guess the best advice I can offer is to live somewhat in the moment, cherish life as it happens, and recognize today for the blessing God intends it to be along with all those people crossing your path each and every day. Thinking of you Erin!!! Merry Christmas!!!