I’ve been longing to write something of substance lately, but when combined with all the end-of-the-quarter writing I have for my seminary classes, all the things that have been flying through my head just seem like mumbo-jumbo. I haven’t really been able to find clarity in any of it – even the papers I’m writing for classes seem less organized than usual. I’ve been gripped by a lot of things these past couple weeks – fear, feelings of failure, guilt, questions and doubt. I’ve been praying for freedom, clarity and direction.
Hopefully I’ll have something of real substance to write sometime (very) soon. Until then, it’s the honesty of a writer who doesn’t know what to write.
Sounds like you’re getting pushed and pulled in all directions by everybody and everything. If you’re doing something you really love, want and believe in, you need to stand strong to the forces around you. Don’t let others make you doubt yourself. When you have gifts and talents that others can’t comprehend, sometimes it’s just a matter of putting it out there the way you want, with your own style and flair. Do not fear if your heart is good. When I am feeling unappreciated or down about my efforts to others, I ask God, “Am I doing this for nothing? Why did you give me these talents if, when I use them for the good of others, they are rejected or not appreciated? Please give me strength and fortitude to try even harder to let others see what I can offer them through You.” One thing at a time, right? All of it together can be overwhelming, so focus on those things that you can affect first, then work on the others as they radiate outward from you. I’m sure that those who understand know in their hearts that you are truly a blessing in everything you do. You are a wonderful gift from God. Don’t ever doubt that, ever.