I’ve had several interesting conversations this week along the lines of “how do we make church a priority for youth and their parents?” (I use the term church carefully, because it seems to me that in most cases with these conversations, church really means “church activities, youth group, etc.”) It seems to be a hot topic right now in some youth ministry circles, and particularly in my current church – we are constantly asking ourselves questions like: “how to we get youth to come to church?”, “how do we get youth to come to youth group?”, “how do we make church a priority for youth and their parents?”. Most of these questions come up after particularly low attendance at an event.
Here are my thoughts:
- I don’t think making “church” a priority is necessarily the issue. The heart of youth ministry lies in leading youth on a transforming journey toward a relationship with the living God through Jesus Christ.
- With that in mind, there is a disturbing trend of “church kids” leaving the church after they graduate from high school: making “church” a priority is not necessarily going to birth “lifelong Christians” or, more importantly, followers of Christ.
- You can’t make “church” a priority for youth if it’s not a priority for their parents.
- A relationship with Jesus Christ is not “taught” at youth group. It’s taught through real relationships with trusted adults who are faithfully following Christ.
With that being said, I’d like to propose some “what do you suppose would happen if…” questions (in honor of Pr. Don):
- What do you suppose would happen if… every high school student in your ministry was paired (or grouped with 2-3 others) with an adult who would “shepherd” them all the way through High School by intentionally seeking to build a relationship with them on “their turf” (football games, band concerts, the local mall, etc.)? No strings attached, no guilt tripping into coming to church, but simply building a meaningful relationship and getting to know that kid for the sake of knowing them and modeling the life and ministry of Christ.
- What do you suppose would happen if… youth were no longer viewed as the servants of the rest of the congregation (i.e. do you think you can get the youth to help clean up after the such-and-such dinner?), but rather as valuable members of the Body of Christ and ministers in the congregation (i.e. youth in leadership positions within the congregation)?
- What do you suppose would happen if… youth wanted to be at church on Sunday because they wanted to be a part of the love exemplified by the community?
I guess it all comes down to this: We can’t change youth’s attitude toward the church until the church changes it’s attitude toward youth.
Wow! I am blessed. Without even trying, everything you mentioned in your “what ifs” is happening for my children. We have never told our children they HAD to do anything at church, but instead have tried to lead through example. It’s just part of our lives that on Sunday mornings we go to worship. It’s just part of our lives that if there is an event for someone in our family, we try to attend. It’s just part of our lives to find where we “fit” at church and do whatever we are feeling called to do.
Now, that all being said, sometimes I am not the best example as I take on too much or get involved in something that is not really my passion or gift. But it is still a teachable moment in that my children observe how I handle being overextended, serving in a place that is not necessarily a good fit for me, etc.
Some of the times I feel closest to God are when I am observing my children at church and in church activities — listening to Meagan sing in the Senior choir, watching Kendra sing and play bass with the Praise team, playing handbells with Meagan by my side, packing either or both of them for a week at Camp Mowana, hearing that clear, sweet sound of Meagan playing her flute, hearing Kendra’s laughter and the whirring sound of her heelies in the Sunday School hallway, seeing them take another child or person “under their wing” and sharing with them the love and happiness Christ has for them. Thank you God for these two beautiful children!!!
I love your “what ifs.” Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am. I challenge all who read to take part in at least one of the “what ifs.” Be the hands, the feet, the voice, the love of Christ for a youth. If you are a young person, find people who love you and support you at church — they’re there! They are just being quiet and hanging back because they don’t know if you want them to acknowledge you, talk to you, be a part of your life. I know if you join a group, seek your passion, share a talent — there are people who will share your interest, your love, your life.
Blessings!
Laurie – thanks for the comment on this. I know for sure that the reason why I am still involved in the church today is because of meaningful relationships with adults who invested in my life when I was a youth. My church growing up didn’t even have a youth group (well, my sister and I along with a pair of brothers and our moms), so I can’t attribute my continued involvement to any sort of traditional “programming”. It all comes down to the relationships, and the more time I spend in churches the more I see that. In turn, that is deeply affecting the ways in which I approach youth ministry. It’s a shift of thought that’s tough for many in the church to grasp and understand, but I’m eternally grateful for those who do.